T Shirts, Photos, Missing him..etc
I tortured myself last night by going through a bunch of photos from the Michael Jackson memorial. I don’t know why I did it, but it’s not the first time. I did the same thing back a week ago and cried about 5 min before I left for work. But I saw some fans that I know in a photo of the memorial, and the looks on their faces just made me feel it all over again. And usually when this happens, I quickly find something else to do — but this time I just allowed myself to cry… really, really cry.
Does anyone else feel this? I like this blog because I can air the way I feel without having to worry about what others might think. Those who have not been friends with me forever or who’ve not understood my experiences may not ever get it, but those who have, get it.. or at least try to without judgment. Does anyone else get it? I know lots of fans are still in pain, but… I dunno, I guess we always feel like our own pain is deeper than anyone elses… maybe it is, it’s our own after all.
I’m still adding to my collection. Today I put ”Michael Jackson Treasures“ and ”Before He Was King“ on lay-buy since I didnt have the money out right to get it. I am thinking of getting another one for laybuy tomorrow because I’d like to have two. I’m greedy like that.
I have started to gather all my photos again for an album that I am making up. If anyone is interested in them, let me know.
If I can help anyone with any photos, let me know… I have collected so many over the years as well as the ones I’ve acquired recently. I want to collect as many ‘sets’ as possible and put them in to a big huge album. I love photos of Michael – he was so lovely to look at – I know many disagreed with me, but that’s because they never bothered to ‘know’ him like we, the fans ‘knew’ him. He was stunning in every single which way, and no one can ever tell me otherwise.
I miss him so much. I go to bed every night thinking, wishing, dreaming… and I wake up and reality is still here but Michael is not… It just doesn’t really seem fair, does it? Each time I go to see This Is It, it gets more and more depressing. I’ve decided I won’t see it again. Every time I watch it it becomes a little bit more real.
Anyway, here is also my T Shirt collection… I was gonna post this awhile ago, but I never got around to it… but here it is.
And I guess that’s it for now… I miss you Michael.
Hey Jess.
I try to avoid putting myself in situations that would bring out feelings like you are still experiencing- pure hurt, tears, drained… because really, what does it do? Just makes me feel incredibly sad again…and again…and AGAIN. But it’s hard.
I saw a highschool friend a few days ago whom I hadn’t seen in months. While waiting together in the car, she randomly asked me “…how did you feel about Michael Jackson’s passing?” and oh my goshhhh, I did not expect him to be mentioned so abruptly.. it felt strange, a little sickly. Seems as though I totally acknowledge and accept his death, I’m obviously still not over it. I still hurt.
Cool that you have your collecting to satisfy part of your pain. That wouldn’t work for me. I am in complete disregard for paraphernalia, I just don’t see the point, doesn’t make me feel any better personally.
I don’t think about him too hard anymore, last time I did, I cried. He’s too important to me.
I guess you could apply that logic to any emotion in your life – avoiding something because it makes you feel… No one wants to feel sad all of the time, but I guess sometimes it’s okay to just become the emotion rather than avoiding it for fear of saving face or from feeling bad.
I don’t think I could ever not think about him since for the past 18 or 19 years I have done absolutely nothing but think about him every day or became inspired by, listened to, danced to, talked about, wrote about, smiled about — him. I feel that to push him to the back of my mind would be the same as trying to just breezily think about any other member of my family or close friend who has passed on… I can’t do it, it’s just too dismissive of everything they have attributed to my life.
I have always been a collector – it was having a small collection of MJ things that made me a fan to begin with. It all started with concert on video tape, a bad cassette tape, black or white single and a billie jean song taped to audio for me – and then I became obsessed to learn more, listen to more and look at more in an effort to finding out all that I could… And it was also a big part of bonding time for me and others – sharing, trading, looking through things together… watching things together… it’s important to me to have these things because they were all a huge part of growing up. The point of it is for me – anytime I want to read something about him – there it is, any time I want to listen to something – there it is. Any time I want to watch something – there it is — and anytime I want to share something – a part of my life, a very special one, might I add, with someone else, there. it. is.
Oh I see. That does make sense and I suppose I agree. The thing is, I am somewhat similar to you- just on a smaller scale in time and extent.. which is difficult. I can’t avoid him as much as I’d need to, some of my best friends, I only know through the love of Mike. My cousin and I have grown closer by first bonding through him on such a level. He is interconnected throughout so many aspects of my life. I doubt I’ll be able to just forget about him either- as like you, I do think about him all the time.. I just don’t want to be engrossed in him so deeply often, because I WILL be sad all the time, and of course I do not want that.
The way I cope is through the knowledge that he is no longer bound by life…he is finally free..and yet has left an enormous imprint on this earth.
actually, that last line fails, I hate trying to justify his death. ARGH.
:(:(:(
I understand what you mean… I guess the justification that his death was not in vain helps us to move on just that little bit easier.
I can’t even begin to describe the pain.
My heart just aches and aches, I cry myself to sleep.
I miss him more every single day and I feel like I am just living a half life. Everything looks and feels bleak and cold and I feel trapped – I feel stuck and I’m just living the 25th over and over again.
If only there was some way out
I hate this so much.
I seriously can’t cope. I feel the tears welling up right now.
I just want Michael here.
I will never meet him…
never see him live
never thank him for everything
never ever get the chance to tell him I love him.
I collect everything that I can get my hands on. I’ve been a fan since I was 13 (I am now 19) and my collection is large (and beautiful!!) but I feel like I need more…to fill this empty void. To comfort me. To bring me peace.
But can there ever really be peace? I just don’t know. I’m sorry, I want there to be hope…I want to feel hope again but I can’t? I just..I don’t even know.
I want to scream and yell and just..cry and cry.
I know how you feel. I really do.
You are not alone.
All my love and hugs.
Where to begin; feel his presence all around you, he is there, here, everywhere. His influence is even more powerful “afterlife”. I find comfort by talking to him as i do Jesus, & while it is true, his death was infact unjust, he did not die NO! He was not killed in vain, he meant to blow the lid off the illuminati conspiracy, that’s what “This Is It” was all about’ we must continue Michael,s piceless mission to “light up the darkness”; just love to all my brothers & sisters alike, help HIM keep hope alive.
No bullshit illuminati crap on my blog thanks. Its all a load of bullshit. He was NOT killed by illumanti and I am sure Michael knew nothing about illuminati. Fans have way too much time on their friggin’ hands.